Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
