You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
