Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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