If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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