my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
