i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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