all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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