And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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