Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
