Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize