Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
