That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
