I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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