is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
