i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
