I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
