She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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