I want to stick my p in your. b.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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