I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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