dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
