Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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