I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Floor bacon is actually really good
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize