i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
