im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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