She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
