You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
