I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
