at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
