remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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