no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
