Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
