She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
