It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
