I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
