Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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