If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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