he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
