So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
