i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
