I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
