Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
