Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
