Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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