Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
