I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
not ubering you a puppy
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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