The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize