you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize