i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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