you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize