Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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