i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
