You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
