Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
