When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
