I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
