First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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