i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
