Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
