My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
