We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize