I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
