Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
