She is in my trunk
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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