I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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